Heroes. Close your eyes and picture one. I imagine you’re picturing someone brave with a great chin, someone who is ice-cool when under pressure, someone who saves the day and gets the girl. Now close your eyes and picture a giant nerd.
You may have an image in your mind of some Beauty And The Geek reject or that kid you were in school with that was voted most likely to die a virgin. What you definitely won’t be picturing are any of the screen heroes featured on this list.
That’s because, via the magic of cinema and choice casting decisions, these giant nerds are transformed from the socially awkward, introverted nerdilingers they should be into calm as a coma, Nazi-killing, ghost busting, terrorist slapping heroes.
Without further ado, let’s take a look at 10 screen heroes who should have been giant nerds.
10. Robert Neville – I Am Legend (2007)
Will Smith’s Robert Neville is the last man alive in a world overrun with infected man-eaters. As per standard Hollywood hero criteria he is proficient with an M16 machine gun, drives a flash motor and is built like the proverbial brick sh*t-house but the monsters in this film should be picking him out of their teeth long before he blows himself up.
Why? Because Robert Neville is a man who has supposedly dedicated his life to science and not sit-ups. This man has graced the cover of Time magazine as the world’s most eminent virologist. The man could probably cure the common cold before breakfast. This all means one thing. He’s been staring into a test tube for most of his life and probably can’t get a date. In other words…big nerd.
I am legend? I have asthma and a rash from my cords more like…
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Celebrities wouldn’t be celebrities if they aged like normal people. Their job, besides occasionally acting, is to make us all feel older, fatter, and uglier than we really are. Even without professional makeup artists, plastic surgery, and an obscene amount of photoshopping, it’s an undeniable fact that most actors have pretty good genes. So it’s understandable that when we see celebrities that are beginning to look more like regular human beings as a result of aging, there’s a grim sort of satisfaction that goes along with it.
But then there are some actors that you kind of start to think must just be vampires. There’s no other reasonable explanation for the complete lack of aging they’ve shown over the years. It’s either that or they’ve all got disgustingly hideous portraits of themselves hidden away in their attics. Here are some actors and actresses who were on television in the 90s, and have somehow managed to hang on to the hotness that made them stars to begin with.
Don’t be too jealous, though…I bet some of them are really terrible at math or something, if that makes you feel any better.
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